I sleep in coffee grinds and cigarette butts
My daughter is in the bathroom making her cuts
My son’s out on the front pouch with a bag of industrial glee
And I have lost the energy to see, to see
And I have lost the energy to be
I shake my change in a coffee cup
My son is dead and I think my daughter has given up
The man I let rape me for a couple bucks
Passes me by and I scream out “God, you suck! God, you suck!”
Passes me by and I scream out “Oh, go fuck!”
I was in a café buying a cup of coffee
When some scum walked past and spat on me
I told him just to go back home to hell
He smiled his secret that he wouldn’t tell, wouldn’t tell
He smiled his secret that he wouldn’t sell
I’m craving for a cup of coffee outside a church
I’ve pretty much given up on my search
The priest strolled by and handed me a cup o’ Joe
Why he did that I don’t know, I don’t know
Why he did that I won’t show
Now I’m licking coffee off the asphalt street
Cursing and spitting at whoever I meet
Sorry, but the coffee has run out
This is what running dry is all about, all about
This is why running dry makes lice and louts
I liked what you were trying to portray, I thought it was interesting, but it seemed a little... jumbled maybe? I didn't understand it too well the first time I read it, but as I read it over the second and third time it began to make sense in my head. I didn't like the last two lines of every stanza, however. It was a nice touch and a bit creative, but the last two lines were repetitive and didn't match each other sometimes.
But I suppose that's just me... I liked it though.
The repetition works, except for this line, since it seems too long...
Passes me by and I scream out “God, you suck! God, you suck!”
I don't know. I think it's because the letters are too fat for their own good, so the poem ends up looking bigger than it should be.
At the Walmart I was at today, a lot of coffee was out of stock, and the signs said it was because of hurricane katrina. umm the poem is kind of depressing. i dont like it.
Just goes to show you: Coffee is evil! Especially Tim Hortons!!! Theres never never a line there!!!
Very good indeed.
120,215 Literary Works • 649,133 Reviews
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